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I’m jealous of you. I’m jealous of your ability to create fiction and not feel like you’re donating both kidneys, a lung, half your heart, and your pancreas at the same time. I’m jealous that when you write, it doesn’t look like you’ve individually pulled out all your fingernails without anesthetic.
I don’t remember what it feels like to write well. True, I did write last week. I finished a story but as I started typing, I realized it went in completely the wrong direction and needed a rewrite. What I don’t remember is what it feels like when writing fiction is the easy part.
As I recall, it was a Tuesday… who am I kidding, I don’t even know what day it is now.
The last time I remember writing something fictional that made me feel truly connected to the words was too long ago to remember the month... or the year. I begged for this weekly space on the WW blog to remind me to take time for myself and my writing. I need a weekly head-bop to remember it’s okay if I turn off notifications and spend an hour away from a screen.
Ever distracted, I looked it up. I mean, of course I did. The last save on my mob novel was June 17, 2019. Actually, that was a Monday. The point is, not everything we create is a gem. I think we’d all love if our instances of amazing, connectable fiction outweighed the fiction we care less about but we’d be bored after a while. We have to create the fiction less important to us so we can recognize the good—or great—pieces of our souls. We have to view our work objectively and understand when we feel connected to something we’re working on so we can spot it quicker when the connection isn’t there.
And that doesn’t mean the fiction is inherently bad just because we didn’t feel each word as it came out. It just means occasionally, we aren’t our own target audience. Sometimes that alone is great because we’re trying something new.
I used to pick up a pen and write wherever I was: traffic, class, waiting area, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t great fiction but I could create and I felt connected because I’d been doing it, I practiced. Now, I spit out business copy all day and I edit constantly. They’re the easy part because that’s what I practice now. I want to remember what it feels like for fiction to come naturally. I want to feel that connection again, to feel confident in my words because they’re the right words for that story. I need more practice.
Fiction projects: 0
Fiction words this week: 0
About the author: Theresa Green is the co-founder of The Writer's Workout and a crime fiction writer.